Many individuals never anticipate or expect that viewing pornography will negatively affect their lives, yet this often significantly impacts the user as well as his or her family, workplace and community. A couple’s relationship, in particular, often feels the most negative effects of pornography (Manning, 2006).
I know a lot of people pretend not to be involved in this and never want to talk about it, even when they are. It is worse in this Internet age as people can now go online and do all sorts of things in the name of browsing. I remember running a cyber cafe some years back and seeing girls come in and pay for five hours just to go into the executive boot and strip naked for men. It is even worse now that
people move around with the Internet.
People often go into pornography hoping for the best, but the fact is that it leads to pain in the long run. I have counselled people who go into pornography believing it would help them satisfy their partner better only for them to realize that that had destroyed their relationship. Before now, I used to think that pornography addiction is a guy’s problem; I was wrong because I have counselled women too.
The negative impacts of pornography on the family and relationships cannot be overestimated. The most surprising thing is that those you think should be addicted to porn are free from it while the most revered people in our society are actually the ones who are deep into it. Pornography has killed and buried so many happy relationships and has left pain in the hearts of many whose partners are into it.
I want us to look at the negative impacts of pornography on relationships and the society.
In our society today, the issue of men and women luring their domestic staff to bed is no longer news. A good number of house helps have left their madam’s house with pregnancy just because oga was not able to control that little thing in between his thighs. While discussing this on Facebook, someone says he enjoys watching porn because it turns him on and gets him running home in anticipation to meet madam. I then asked a question: what happens if after the arousal and on getting home, madam is not in? What happens at that point when the house help steps out of the kitchen with wrapper on her or a cloth showing all her cleavages? Your guess is as good as mine; oga will make do with what is available.
What about rape? We are yet to get to that point where we start talking about rape and where our policemen and women are trained to handle rape cases. A man who spends his time watching pornography will come out with nothing in his mind but sex. He cannot be normal until that urge is satisfied and in seeking this satisfaction, rape and one nightstand aren’t out of it. When this urge comes, hemay not even bother about any form of protection and this helps in the spreading of sexually transmitted diseases.
I don’t know when African women started enjoying porn. The rate of infidelity is high in our society today and pornography happens to be one of the causes. African women now go into nude clubs comfortably and watch indecent films just because they are adults. When a woman is in the house with vibrators and pornography, what do you think would happen when the man is out of the country for two weeks? The driver would be very much okay for madam to practise all she has seen.
I stand to be corrected, but I know that there is a very strong spirit behind pornography. A guy who recently came to my office crying confirmed this to me. He owns a very big company with several managers working for him. This gave him ample time to commit all sorts immoral acts while madam was off to work. He spent his day at home with madam being happy about him, but the fact is that he found solace in pornography, which was affecting his sexual life. I bless God that after a series of counselling and with the help of God, he overcame that habit. What you don’t know is that those actors go on drugs before the whole thing is done.
Now, let us look at the effects of pornography on relationships.
Just like masturbation, users face difficulty in becoming sexually aroused without pornography. I honestly feel for some people and sometimes when they come to me with questions because they can’t satisfy their partners, I see porn addiction as one of the problems. The innocent partner moves around looking for answers on how to satisfy the partner while the man or woman is somewhere enjoying porn. When your spouse is deep into pornography, you find yourself struggling so much to get him or her to the peak of the mountain during sex, but the truth is that you can’t achieve it. They sometimes fake orgasm just to have you get off them.
Some people complain and even ask questions to know why their partner has no interest in sex with them. Pornography could be his or her reason for staying off sex.
Another way to know if your partner is into porn is his or her constant demand for some sexual adventures that are completely out of the normal. The moment he or she gets involved in porn, the demand comes.
Your partner may see the use of pornography as infidelity and this creates some emotional gap in your relationship. He or she may begin to feel inadequate in the bedroom. This is when you see your spouse struggling so much just to satisfy you and in the process, he or she loses it. Your partner loses that passion for sexual intercourse with you. He or she stops looking forward to lovemaking and starts seeing it as yet another obligation. If you love your partner, you won’t put him or her through this hell.
If you are the one into pornography, you lose your self-esteem in no distant time. You automatically develop this feeling of ‘I can’t do it right’. Pornography has led people into drugs and the use of some deadly aphrodisiacs like Spanish fly. Like I said earlier, it’s fun when you are new in it, but it leads to pain in the end.
While the negative impact on relationships can be challenging to overcome, healing is possible. It is first essential that an individual wants to take the steps towards recovery. Others may encourage steps toward change, but only the user can ultimately make the transformation (Landau, Garrett & Webb, 2008).
Without internal motivation, change will likely be superficial or short-lived. If you are into it and would like to see yourself out of pornography, there are things you must know and do.
The first thing is for you to ask your spouse how he or she feels about your addiction to pornography. You will be surprised to hear them speak out in pain. I receive messages from girls who left their relationships because the guy is addicted to porn. When I ask to know if they are in love with him, the answer is always positive; they just can’t go on with the pain. When you are in the habit of watching porn instead of spending time with your spouse; when you no longer get aroused by your spouse and depend on some silly porn to turn you on, there is fire on the mountain; your relationship is in trouble.
The window to your body is the eye and whatever you let in goes into the whole system. You must be extremely careful what your eyes see. Don’t spend your time and money to look and buy those pornography books and movies.
With the guidance of an experienced counsellor, individuals who want to change can develop an individualized plan that will help them be accountable and build on successes that will aid them in long-term change (Schneider, 2000; Schneider & Weiss, 2001; Zitzman &Butler, 2005).
Additionally, creating a pornography-free environment by discarding any pornographic materials as well as preventing any future access to these materials by using an Internet-filtering service or eliminating cell phone Internet access may be helpful safeguards. It may also be helpful to place the computer in a commonly accessible area in the home as an additional precaution to reduce temptation to access pornographic materials. Some suggestions for users may include exercise, sports, starting a new hobby, cultivating friendships, or any other healthy activity that the user enjoys. There are lots of fellowships in town for couples; please find one and spend your leisure time with them. Creating more time for your spouse helps.
Pornography viewing behaviours can be very challenging to overcome, but if there is a desire to change, healing is possible for both individuals and their relationships. Don’t forget, God has given you the power to make whatever change you want to see in your life. If there is no one to talk to, you can talk to me and together, we shall find a way out.
culled from usaveone.blogspot.com
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